Monday, January 30, 2012
break
the word break has many meanings. sadly today, its not of an optimistic one
what a screwed up day today zzz...
negative emotions from so many different sources just piled up and decided to assault together..
bleh must be very careful with strong emotions...
一个不小心。。就会一发不可收拾
愤世嫉俗是一件非常危险的事
must keep myself in check. keep thoughts in check. keep emotions in check
gosh i knew these weeks will be stressful, i can take it..but not this sort of stress ><
when the work you use to distract yourself becomes distractions...
it does take 2 ppls efforts for a friendship to distance etc. i just wonder whos at more fault?
yes. i know what ever changes i make, no matter how small, will make the entire hard journey worth it.
but, what if one is convinced that there will be no change? intertia sighh
"I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died"....BUT
"I forgot how to hope/This night's been so long/I cling to Your promise/There will be a dawn"
indeed...there WILL be a dawn.
though its been a long dark night, with only flashes of comets and the twilight to guide me on, every night has its end
and i know that, if i look within me, i can always find that little candle, burning brightly despite the harsh winds and storm outside..
its been a year..a year since i sat in that hall..watching in awe as people perform on stage..enjoying myself doing stupid things for station games
running through the rain in EA (and lunching and emoing over its cancellation)...laugh and have fun over dinner with my OG..knowing new people..
dancing, singing as a batch..muddy legs during war games...lame games to make ppl frustrated
maybe im just romaticising my memories...but i really really really miss it
sighh...
i just cant seem to accept that this isnt meant to be..
Labels: contemplations
Sunday, January 29, 2012
29.1.12
not getting a position/achievement/goal you want very badly is akin to rejection by someone..
theres always the denial and then the despair
and the getting over it that takes time
more annoyingly, theres also the parallel in reasons
theres the disgustingly ambiguous "oh we just arent right for each other" that leaves you wondering what exactly did you lack.
if the popular psychology concept of need for closure is real, a concrete reason would be what ppl need. issit cos of me? or someone else?
(random, but i think need for closure, if real, shld be correlated to high neuroticism.)
bleh random rants ah wells.
its true. every cynic is waiting for the event/person/thing that will prove them wrong
an idealist can never be happy :/
Labels: tibits
Saturday, January 28, 2012
28.1.12
I would give up almost everything for it...
but sigh. nevermind...
we are all saints, arent we...?
Hmmm..personally i dont think i have grown much as a person and as a VI in the past year :/ not good i suppose.
meh shall make this year count more
Labels: tibits
Thursday, January 26, 2012
26.1.12
time does heal all wounds and make bad memories lighter and less painful
just that it does take quite a while hahhaha
so what to do but wait lor
sigh special pleaing (double standards) affect our behaviours in such substantial yet undiscovered manners.
when we did something rash its cos we had a bad day and just couldnt take it anymore
but when others did it its cos they are *insert negative adjectives*
its just that our brains have really gotten too good at confirming what we already believe in bleh (gosh maybe im too good and confirming this too! :O )
ah wells we all have to sometimes actively search out reasons for the other side of the case...
though its unlikely that we can actually change this nature of ours (hmmm future psych research?) but it is indeed the oft-futile attempts that matter..
but then again, there must and should exist a point whereby we decide what we do know is close to the truth. i mean one cant forever find contrary evidence to Hitler's misdeeds (oh dear poor hitler so often used in such examples..)
when do we draw the line? what amount of evidence is enough?
at one extreme, we run the risk of being extremely cynical of everyone if we draw the line way too soon.
at another end, we will be too double standard and myopic if we draw the line soon for ppl that we dont know and slow for ppl we do (and once a perception/label is in place, its much harder to remove it..)
and at the last end (vectors 3D space!) we will be far too naive and trusting of everyone..
so how?
argh..the urge to generalize. same problems apply too bleh.
sigh dun care le la. not like anything can be done..
if A forms a negative preception of B as B did X, and we say "hey A, why didnt u think that B might be
are we guilty of the same thing? firstly of finding excuse for ppl (but can be rectified when accurately investigated! Perhaps we CAN draw the line when we have considered all factors to the best of our human possibility!). and secondly and more importantly, we arent not giving A the benefit of doubt too...
Labels: contemplations
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
25.1.12
Vic is correct! Life is absurd in a large extent hahaha
though not absurd in the existentialism way, i do believe that there is meaning!
its just that many times we strive very hard to achieve something (not in the materialistic sense), to be a better person, to be more Christ-like etc
but we know that it is impossible to reach the ideal, and we also know that what matters is trying.
so basically we are willingly trying to reach something that we cant hahaha xD
ah bleh weird thoughts at night
not like it actl affects how we deal with our lifes~
we are by nature erm stubborn hahaha
Labels: contemplations
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
24.1.12
You only live once, but if you live it well, once is enough
cope from tumblr!
Lets all make our lives count yeah~ :D
Labels: tibits
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
18.1.12
if wendy is not wen qiang then whos that!
read abt Tay Sach's Disease today...
very tragic disease...
so one philo-ish musing and one bio/med thought haha
it really made me realise how difficult it is to treat certain diseases.. though this disease is simply a...screw up in one protein in brain cells, it can lead to such horrible symptoms
and yet it is so difficult to treat..with the nearest success still unclear on the horizon
so many methods have failed... :/
sigh lets hope that eventually all diseases can find cures... (ok bad grammar..)
now for the philo part
issit better to have a painful existence, or not exist at all?
(not specific to Tay Sachs Disease..)
it seems that any sort of existence will be definitely better than non-existence..
how wld the argument for the other side go?
though it is indeed a hard choice..but i do find it hard to see any compelling reasons for non-existence... :/
ah wells
sch tmr hmmm
how much are dreams worth?
Labels: contemplations
