陋室

5 more days

2012-02-13T06:39:00.000-08:00

found 2 quotes to do with friendship!
found it quite applicable/right hahaah!

"the people who put up with you on your darkest nights are the ones worth spending your brightest days with"

and also

"Someone who understands that you're not rejecting them when you need to be alone."

how true.

5 more days. can i do it?

ahhh the small pleasures in life :)
todays edition) meeting some random J1 and striking up a 1 hour convo with that person and 2 other friends. in the end everyone made a new friend or two :) how nice.

stresss

2012-02-09T07:34:00.001-08:00

ahhh so stressed its not even funny anymore!
so worried too sighhh but thats hardly anything i can do about it!
please dont let something break apart at the very last part ahhh
i swear there is this...meta-worry where at one time you just stop worrying abt stuff, then u worry that u arent worried. then u go back to worrying abt it...
dontpanicdontstresskeepcalmandtrustintheLord

sigh why cant life be full of serene relaxing fun moments...
like slacking around in a hotel room
talking abt whatever comes to mind from philo to psych ><
crapping in bio H3 and laughing over inappropriate names
being on singapore flyer..
thank God for these little things that keeps me sane...
though im afraid that the effects wont last long...

a question,
a short answer
a sudden memory..of late night
a surge of emotion
an urge to tear
isnt it amazing? how crying is something that is so...beyond our control
one cant cry even if one really wants to
and at what surprising speed and suddenness it can dawn upon us sometime..
unpredictable much haha!

come on...9 more days! >< I will survive!

echos of the silent screams in empty rooms

ahhh dun wanna care anymore!!!

thin

2012-02-06T05:20:00.000-08:00

hanging by a thread of normalcy in this madness and turmoil
its getting thinner...

but holding on to one particular strand is unwise...habits are hard and painful to break.

sigh cant we just all not grow old?
stay pure and young and naive...
黄粱一梦
萍水相逢
过眼烟云

once again, i need to let external things that i cant help affect me less
care less
worry less
think less

5.2.12

2012-02-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

and the 2 weeks of hardcore busy shiz commences tmr!
im ready for it bring it on man!
woohoo kinda excited for the adrenaline rush wheeeee
zomg im such a druggie hahahah

anyways hor
consider the following action
some dude that stays overseas, upon hearing abt the milk powder scandal in china, quickly buys some nice milk powder from his country of residence and mail it to family/friends in china.
sounds like a really nice and moral thing to do right?
but when this action is universalised/made bigger scale
it will cause the deprivation of milk powder in that country
though this is more of a grains of sand pile of sand thing
still, interesting how an action can be considered moral or not base on...how many ppl does it hahahah xD
ah wells

yess come on come on
on one hand cant wait for 18th to be over on another hand im actl kinda excited woohoo
gonna heck studies for a while xD and hopefully i will stay strong!

acceptance

2012-02-03T07:50:00.000-08:00

i guess we all have to accept how in life we will never know the reasons why certain things happened (or obtain closure)
its not like we will know why we didnt get into xxx uni course or xxx job.
so better get used to it now hahaha

sigh..i hope i dont grow up and lose the ability to go crazy/high with my friends...
it seems like grad night is probably the last time that i can really go crazy and high in the near future? :/

2 more weeks. I can do this

1.2.12

2012-02-01T07:54:00.001-08:00

I know that if i actl got in orientation
My cip and coral facom will indeed suffer quite a lot, if not a total destruction
however..theres a selfish? part of me that still want it to be otherwise..
:/

lets hope my efforts pay off! interesting facom training method here i come haha..

break

2012-01-30T03:52:00.000-08:00

the word break has many meanings. sadly today, its not of an optimistic one

what a screwed up day today zzz...
negative emotions from so many different sources just piled up and decided to assault together..
bleh must be very careful with strong emotions...
一个不小心。。就会一发不可收拾
愤世嫉俗是一件非常危险的事
must keep myself in check. keep thoughts in check. keep emotions in check
gosh i knew these weeks will be stressful, i can take it..but not this sort of stress ><
when the work you use to distract yourself becomes distractions...

it does take 2 ppls efforts for a friendship to distance etc. i just wonder whos at more fault?

yes. i know what ever changes i make, no matter how small, will make the entire hard journey worth it.
but, what if one is convinced that there will be no change? intertia sighh

"I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died"....BUT
"I forgot how to hope/This night's been so long/I cling to Your promise/There will be a dawn"
indeed...there WILL be a dawn.
though its been a long dark night, with only flashes of comets and the twilight to guide me on, every night has its end
and i know that, if i look within me, i can always find that little candle, burning brightly despite the harsh winds and storm outside..

its been a year..a year since i sat in that hall..watching in awe as people perform on stage..enjoying myself doing stupid things for station games
running through the rain in EA (and lunching and emoing over its cancellation)...laugh and have fun over dinner with my OG..knowing new people..
dancing, singing as a batch..muddy legs during war games...lame games to make ppl frustrated
maybe im just romaticising my memories...but i really really really miss it
sighh...
i just cant seem to accept that this isnt meant to be..

29.1.12

2012-01-29T05:55:00.000-08:00

not getting a position/achievement/goal you want very badly is akin to rejection by someone..
theres always the denial and then the despair
and the getting over it that takes time

more annoyingly, theres also the parallel in reasons
theres the disgustingly ambiguous "oh we just arent right for each other" that leaves you wondering what exactly did you lack.
if the popular psychology concept of need for closure is real, a concrete reason would be what ppl need. issit cos of me? or someone else?
(random, but i think need for closure, if real, shld be correlated to high neuroticism.)

bleh random rants ah wells.
its true. every cynic is waiting for the event/person/thing that will prove them wrong

an idealist can never be happy :/

28.1.12

2012-01-28T02:19:00.000-08:00

I would give up almost everything for it...
but sigh. nevermind...

we are all saints, arent we...?

Hmmm..personally i dont think i have grown much as a person and as a VI in the past year :/ not good i suppose.
meh shall make this year count more

26.1.12

2012-01-26T06:42:00.000-08:00

time does heal all wounds and make bad memories lighter and less painful
just that it does take quite a while hahhaha
so what to do but wait lor

sigh special pleaing (double standards) affect our behaviours in such substantial yet undiscovered manners.
when we did something rash its cos we had a bad day and just couldnt take it anymore
but when others did it its cos they are *insert negative adjectives*
its just that our brains have really gotten too good at confirming what we already believe in bleh (gosh maybe im too good and confirming this too! :O )
ah wells we all have to sometimes actively search out reasons for the other side of the case...
though its unlikely that we can actually change this nature of ours (hmmm future psych research?) but it is indeed the oft-futile attempts that matter..

but then again, there must and should exist a point whereby we decide what we do know is close to the truth. i mean one cant forever find contrary evidence to Hitler's misdeeds (oh dear poor hitler so often used in such examples..)
when do we draw the line? what amount of evidence is enough?
at one extreme, we run the risk of being extremely cynical of everyone if we draw the line way too soon.
at another end, we will be too double standard and myopic if we draw the line soon for ppl that we dont know and slow for ppl we do (and once a perception/label is in place, its much harder to remove it..)
and at the last end (vectors 3D space!) we will be far too naive and trusting of everyone..
so how?

argh..the urge to generalize. same problems apply too bleh.

sigh dun care le la. not like anything can be done..
if A forms a negative preception of B as B did X, and we say "hey A, why didnt u think that B might be "
are we guilty of the same thing? firstly of finding excuse for ppl (but can be rectified when accurately investigated! Perhaps we CAN draw the line when we have considered all factors to the best of our human possibility!). and secondly and more importantly, we arent not giving A the benefit of doubt too...

25.1.12

2012-01-25T07:32:00.000-08:00

Vic is correct! Life is absurd in a large extent hahaha
though not absurd in the existentialism way, i do believe that there is meaning!

its just that many times we strive very hard to achieve something (not in the materialistic sense), to be a better person, to be more Christ-like etc

but we know that it is impossible to reach the ideal, and we also know that what matters is trying.
so basically we are willingly trying to reach something that we cant hahaha xD
ah bleh weird thoughts at night
not like it actl affects how we deal with our lifes~
we are by nature erm stubborn hahaha

24.1.12

2012-01-24T07:43:00.000-08:00

You only live once, but if you live it well, once is enough

cope from tumblr!
Lets all make our lives count yeah~ :D

18.1.12

2012-01-18T07:13:00.000-08:00

if wendy is not wen qiang then whos that!

read abt Tay Sach's Disease today...
very tragic disease...
so one philo-ish musing and one bio/med thought haha

it really made me realise how difficult it is to treat certain diseases.. though this disease is simply a...screw up in one protein in brain cells, it can lead to such horrible symptoms
and yet it is so difficult to treat..with the nearest success still unclear on the horizon
so many methods have failed... :/
sigh lets hope that eventually all diseases can find cures... (ok bad grammar..)

now for the philo part
issit better to have a painful existence, or not exist at all?
(not specific to Tay Sachs Disease..)
it seems that any sort of existence will be definitely better than non-existence..
how wld the argument for the other side go?
though it is indeed a hard choice..but i do find it hard to see any compelling reasons for non-existence... :/

ah wells
sch tmr hmmm

how much are dreams worth?

spite

2012-01-17T07:01:00.001-08:00

the dark side of everyone...

anyways..cant we all just saying something to ppls faces zzz..esp if we think it will help them improve...

16.1.12

2012-01-16T06:43:00.000-08:00

its gonna be a tough month ahead
but if i maintain such discipline, God will see me through :)

keep calm and carry on (with clinical precision for each step, each day) has never been so relevant.
tread carefully and maneuver your way through the different limitations, hitting each important checkpoint, and avoid all traps in the way.

issit selfish to expect others to do something for you purely based on the fact that you will/would/had/can?
if you havent yet, it seems selfish, but what if you have?
shall curb this desire :/ nothing good will come out of it. help without expecting help in return.
and hopefully not drown when i need lol

dunno see where de but "people come into our lives, for a reason, or for a season"
how true.
they never stay dont they
i think i am grasping and understanding this le. thats good :)
after they have done what they came to do, it is only natural for them to leave, but as the song for good goes, "I have been changed/for good"
like teachers, friends etc.

theres prob no point in expecting something when it hasnt come true yet. not like it makes a difference.

oks after reading a friends blog with erm similiar blogging style of jumping from topic to topic i can understand why some ppl might find this irritating haha.
cos its like damn hard to follow the train of thought HAHAHHA but ah wells :P

haha oh wells if i only exist when you need something, perhaps you shall be the same to me? ok to be frank its almost that level le haha...

ah damn the negativity and spite inside me. somethings never change bleh

shall sleep early. its been a long day. and many more long days/weeks ahead...

Miligram

2012-01-15T08:12:00.000-08:00

Obeying authority is not a bad thing, as it is essential for our society to function.
Just that, avoiding the responsibility of our own actions, even though commanded by someone shouldnt be the case.
one should be fully prepared to take direct responsibility, especially when one has a choice.

13.1.12

2012-01-13T07:43:00.001-08:00

today i really realised HOW fortunate i am to be in RJ
ppl sometimes complain that we dont do any stuff outside syllabus
well though we dont do that much, its really quite a lot compared to others le...

BioD first lab prac today,
microbiology staining, inoculating, streaking and chemical testing.
I almost did everything in RI before! :O
gram stain, streak agar etc...
whereas some nus students seemed like it was their first time doing such things...

and also, for things such as gram +ve and -ve bac, im sure quite a few students in rj will know why and whatnot...not the case there today...
maybe times changed le ba idk
but really...rj/ri has a reallllyyyy good science department!
looking forward to field trips! :D

10.1.12

2012-01-10T07:56:00.000-08:00

Woots open house today!
damn busy day sia...finally can unwind a bit hahaha
but anyways quick post!

anyways ppl/teachers have been telling us/me about how unappreciative/bad/snobbish Raffles Programme ppl are.
well today i got a first handed taste of what they might have meant haha.

during OH touring, my first group was a bunch of RI guys,
super annoying..keeps on..not paying attention to what im saying, which is still fine by me.
but they kept on going "oh whats that! why is it called this haha eh quite funny eh look look" when im talking about something else and will indeed be moving on to their object on interest in a few moments time if only they had some patience.
im ok with ppl joking around, i mean, everyone does right..its just that such rude impatience...

contrast with a group of non-RP girls...

well maybe its a (young/immature) boys thing (i hope it is)
/but then some friend complained abt RGS girls too so.../

but irregardless, i think i have really felt how things are like in perspective and how we Rafflesians often take our school for granted.
I wont forget the awe let out by those nonRP girls when they entered our AWESOME rj library.
which led me back to the time when i myself was awe struck by the RI and RJ library.
the book collection and the environment is just...
so yeah, we should really stop not paying attention to what we have, it IS indeed a huge privilege to have such facilities, and lets not abuse it :)

all in all OH was quite fun hahaha sadly it only comes once, i think i was a good befriender/saigang in general! not easy man...plan such a big event..

ooh and also i think though we often say oh everyone played a part in making this a success, and yes it is definitely true.
but the satisfaction that those main planners feel after the success is indeed much much sweeter than the helpers'.
which is just what i might be looking for in my cca as well
ah wells, hard work is necessary, but insufficient.

9.1.12

2012-01-09T06:54:00.001-08:00

I find the act of writing a vulgar and myopic article/comment to flame an unjust act as revolting as the act itself.
please, do not fall the the standards of your foe

and its amazing how simply watching HP fandom videos can make me fall in love with the music
This is War and Marching On respectively, i do think that if i were to watch the original MVs or whatnot the emotional effect will not be that great
now these two songs have been emotionally attached to HP!

oh finished reading "the sense of an ending"
interesting read...
the line that struck with me most
"the question of accumulation...(in a race, your winnings accumulate, but you just lose your original stake) But in life? Perhaps different rules apply here. You bet on a relationship, it fails; you go on to the next relationship, it fails too: and maybe what you lose is not two simple minus sums but the multiple of what you staked. thats what it feels life, anyway. Life isnt just addition and subtraction. Theres also the accumulation, the multiplication, of loss, of failure"
hardly central to the plot, but it was the most memorable line.

8.1.12

2012-01-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

though there are many questions in the world, and there are no answers to many of them.
and some of them may challenge what we believe in, and some of them we might not want to think due to fear or whatnot
I do believe that no matter what, it is important that we all give it some thought
for some of them, we might decide that it is trivial or pointless to think about it, thats ok, but we must have put in some thought about it before reaching this conclusion.

Dislikes ppl shying away from tough issues..i mean like we should never brush issues aside or dismiss them...
rawr.

like ive said in sec3, faith, much like gold builds by going through trials of fire
though there ARE different types of trials and fires hmmm...
ah wells, go through all of them haha. especially our weakness :)

gray goo

2012-01-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

my mind is like gray goo..
feels as confused as ever but i dont even have the faintest idea what im thinking about, or if i am even thinking at all..

SCREW my MBTI. i dont care if it expands my energy, imma gonna change.

anyways
2 things i have learnt

1) perspective perspective. one shouldnt be worrying about things like oh my life is so boring yada yada when countless others cant even get to LIVE
2) make your standards for happiness as low as possible, and your standards for being sad as high as possible.
hard, but hey cant stop me from trying.

(yes, trying to only post positive stuff, or at the very least not post negative stuff haha)

class outing was fun! ok la only 4 ppl..so its more like a gathering..pooled and laned ahhh the fun that i didnt have in a looonngg time
then OG dinner! astons is as nice as ever hahah xD

5.1.12

2012-01-05T06:31:00.001-08:00

ah darn im SO irked by popular misconceptions concerning things i studied before.
LIKE MBTI misconceptions ahhhh cannot stand it ahhhhhhh
its ALWAYS misconceptions that give things a bad name
like Christianity, MBTI, perhaps even freudian psychoanalysis but for that one i have to read up.
BLEHHHH cant people read a bit more before going around talking?

a) if energy is immaterial, then we have an example of something immaterial affecting something material! perhaps energy is immaterial in itself, but always manifests itself in something material, thus affecting other materialistic things?
can our mind be immaterial and manifests in the brain, much like energy? though this would destroy the possibility of consciousness/continuity after death (heaven/the re-birth thingy which i forgot the name ahhh) as well, ones brain is gone and theres nothing to manifest in

b) what makes astronomy inaccurate? issit in its nature?
and MBTI is more accurate because?
can the theories of astronomy be compared to theories in religion?

ahh heck shall sleep hahaha

rawr

2012-01-02T07:02:00.001-08:00

the desire to pick some random dude off fb chat/msn and be all weird strikes again
rawr

its really dangerous when one starts to slowly not care about things he normally cared for...

31.12.11

2011-12-31T04:00:00.000-08:00

since this is obviously gonna be a long post so imma start typing like now and hopefully i can blog something substantial with all the pockets of time i have haha.

so. what has happened since last I blogged?
30+ hour of stuff man. that marks the most hapz part of my hols hahaha
well it was time well spent despite how taxing it was haha!
Retreat was just plain awesome saigang haha.
did f and b and boy ordering 50+++ orders from macs is just a disaster. Thank God for wonderful seniors that helped us man!
haha 1 hr food ordering marathon is promptly followed by bag repacking lol.
It was strangely entertaining! ahhh VI family indeed! :)
though dysfunctional at times xD still a very much real family!

on a completely unrelated side note. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN SONGS FROM LMFAO BE EVEN CONSIDERED MUSIC? ok rant over hahah

-ok so now i shall begin the looking back part hahahha-
though today was just like any other day, and tomorrow will be like any other day too, we humans have added some sentimental value to it.

and also, a good point jeremy raised up today is that ppl seldom blog about happy things.
thus, though there are certain less pessimistic issues playing in my head right now, i shall make this post focus on all the good sides of this year!

what i have learnt hmmm...sometimes its better to care/think less. esp for matters that arent of crucial importance. i realised this a bit too late this year, which might have caused some undesirable results. but next year im wiser :)

being a VI is indeed the most awesome decision i've made in JC
though i had been disheartened and disillusioned in the process, i really realised that no matter how little we do or how disheartened we get, it is what we impact in others that really matters.
so yeah, this is something that is worth the effort and pain. :)
though one must always remind oneself to give his best regardless of the circumstances.

this is something im often guilty about...finding excuses to not give my best.
like during rcyc i was not giving my all into mentoring. true that i work better in smaller groups and i wasnt feeling that well and i had to emcee duty.
but those shouldnt stop me from giving my all the the cadets.
so something to work on next year :)

it is very heartening to see younger ppl join the VI family. glad that i got to know at least the name and faces of a few of them during retreat

one more thing. i realised how in life, as cliche as it sounds, we HAVE to give up our dreams sometimes for what we need. call this disillusioned or whatever. but it has to be done. it hurt when i just realised it, but some steeling of nerves, will and heart should/have alredy been done.

we also shouldnt be fixated on things. dont assume something will happen. lifes full of unexpected curve balls and twist and turns. pick yourself back up soon. use the time and energy into something else and go own it.

this year hasnt been an easy year at all, but hey im still running the race. shall not commit the same follies again next year. shit just got serious next year,
BIO :)
next year may be a dark tunnel, but i can see the light at the end of it already :)
as i walk through the valleys of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil for You are with me.
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

fruedian psych is so wobbly perhaps cos the way our mind works IS wobbly, and any attempts and trying to formulate a stringent scientific theory about it will fail?

28.12.11

2011-12-28T07:26:00.001-08:00

times person of the year--The Protester

History may have been merely the biographies of great man in the past.
however, in this age now, history is indeed written and rewritten by ordinary ppl, evident in Arab, where everyone played a part in making history
no, not just a part
but an active role in pushing the wheels of time in a certain direction.
power to the people indeed.
lets hope such activism is the hope for a more humanistic future, 2012.

25.12.11

2011-12-24T07:39:00.000-08:00

wooo its christmas once again!

hmmm rush of sentimental feelings on fb now... :/

J2 farewell for cell was good. those ppl are seriously such admirable ppl that have impacted my life..actually everyone in cell has, something to look up to, something they said or did that touched me. ah wells
they depart, and new ones come in.

ahhhh sigh..how i wish to be able to forget
perhaps thats why ive been doing work..cos well at least when your brain is occupied by Differential Equations u cant really concentrate on anything else...
but alas, getting distracted recently..too distracted by these strayaway thoughts that have no purpose. cannot
focus mode shall be on. rawr

if you decided that something is not as important. please dont cry or whine or emo when you dont have it at the end.

成人之美。。
做多了是会很累的。。
不要紧不要紧，慢慢来。。
好久没用中文书写了。。感觉好陌生。。><
再过几天又是一年过去了。
挺快的。。一转眼
大家都长大了啊
咳。。到头来也没用中文写些有实质的东西：（

回复的路是漫长而遥远的

22.12.11

2011-12-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

oh yes!
i forgot to note down my thoughts on how some things are different now
haha i still remember 2 years ago my rcyc platoon went for an outing with the mentors after the camp. it was definitely a fun filled day
but now all sorts of casual gatherings with cadets are strongly discouraged...
ah wells..dunno why also.
i mean can see rationale la..but personally thinks its...:/
perhaps parents nowadays are more vicious lol...

and also hearing abt cadets shipping random ppl tgt just reminds me of those days in 09 man haha
ahhh wells children.. :)

21.12.11

2011-12-21T06:54:00.000-08:00

wha one week liao!

zomg haha back from RCYC!
in many ways its a v reflective journey for myself (perhaps i accidentally neglected the cadets a bit too much ><)
since rcyc 09 was my first HQ event it certainly was a turning point in my RC journey..
it reaffirmed me (though in hindsight it all came tumbling down in sec4 HAHAHA) and it opened my eyes to what VIs can do
not to mention the super bonding experience ahhhh
:)
this year its quite good too!
though its hardly comparable to 09, there was a different tone in being a mentor
esp when i had to emcee the campfire, much like MY mentor from 09
its like a cycle haha...
oh on a side note, it was terrifying being the emcee, not cos in front of audience, but cos sequences of programmes kept changing halfway through the event...
well though i know that im far from the standard of mentoring my mentors are now..
i hope im not too far from their prowess 2 years back...

argh darn THAT cadet reading my blog bleh. cannot write abt long long black black red red thing :P
but ah wells
i think i myself at 2 yrs ago will not reach the standard expected in today...
but its always a journey :) and what matters is that i keep on moving...

really, RC camps are awesome.
it makes one feel that all that one is doing is worth it
at the end of the day, as long as i see the change in others and the improvement
no matter how much shit ive been through, its fades in comparison. :)
the gain, no matter how slight, its definitely infinitely more worth it than the pain on the way

oh and a late realization!
for those things that i didnt get to do, i have resolved to use the time saved to study and really, just get into serious mode from now on. no more 9gag/cracked everyday. its game on, and I will be the one emerging triumphant all the way.
Bring It On.
Since God has given me this time, its up to me to not let it go to waste.
2012 will be a new year, and imma own it >:D
this drive shall be carried over!

Things have changed. i wouldnt try to bring the old things back now :)
well you are happy, no doubt, and hey, thats what matters
i will be glad of what i have now too, though it might be lesser than what i had. but hey, who am i to complain right? :)
and, lets hope i can stop comparing.

2011-12-13T08:24:00.000-08:00

I shall aspire to live consistently

the world is indeed beautiful :)

10.12.11

2011-12-10T07:53:00.000-08:00

often we sorta ask God, why did something not go according to the way we wanted etc
but
God is one who gives.
and takes away too..

If we wonder why something didnt happen
do we ever pause to think why so many other things DID? :)

haha spec invest today. quite good experience!

also, feels kinda uplifted after reading someones blog and it made me think of the things i have to be thankful of, even though quite a few things didnt go the best they cld/as i wld like it,
there are good things out from this year too, and i cannot lose sight of it

combine with a good song = feels slightly better!
and also friends are all coming back from overseas wheeee

lets hope this is the way up :)

conflicted existence

2011-12-09T07:52:00.000-08:00

ennui

begone!

the only way to live a consistent life is to be a nihilist? :/

3/12/11

2011-12-03T06:49:00.001-08:00

i need to drop all my cares and worries and crap and just relax for a while man.....
but bleh thats hard...

you prob dont even visit this place anymore...
oh God, please let me feel less bitter...

i suppose theres no point in blogging now confused i am feeling so i shant.

anyway rcyc and church drama today.
both were good i suppose.
havent been on stage for like forever.
ah interesting....aiya 7 min skit/drama is...too short perhaps
idk la.
hmmmm sat preparations are coming along fine...
ok lor..like that lor
bleh

/thinks theres something fundamentally wrong with ppl upstairs making changes and decisions about things they have never been through at ground zero, but is our society currently ran like that too?/

lets talk about trivial things and laugh over frivolous matters
for we are all afraid of what we will see if we talk and look and search deep enough

add: there are 2 things that i cant stand in online debates about stuff (though majority concerns itself with religion HMMM)
1) bashing the other argument DOES NOT make ones argument valid...
like seriously...? yes every theory/argument has its flaws, but wont ur effort be better spent in making your own argument watertight than whacking others?
sigh those arguing in favour of religion online is more often guilty of this :/

2) PLEASE do not set up strawman cases and whack them.
give your opponent some credit...if you think you are right, do address those crucial issues and arguments instead of bringing up a trivial/stupid argument from the other side and go OMG we are right look how ridiculous the others are.
sigh... :/
no matter what the issue is, this is often an error? made by both sides...
blehhh selective bias

haha wanted to say this in AGES omg finally let it out xD

2011-11-30T05:34:00.001-08:00

i want to slap myself omg

if i had all the time and not a care
i wld watch those good movies that ive been intending to watch
go gym (and convince myself to)
and play sports with friends

but sadly, i dont haha xD

it takes a motivated mind to write motivational posters and words bleh

29.11.11

2011-11-28T23:04:00.000-08:00

love is a decision, not a feeling
quote from UIP!
super true haha! love is making a conscious decision of Yes, I will love XXX no matter what, and this is a well thought out commitment that i will make.
so, no more " falling" in love aye? :)

garrhhhh my chinese competency is dropping like an anchor! i caught myself thinking words like budget and breakdown in my head before trying to translate them into chinese and failing at some! this is horrible omggggg DDDD::
lets hope that reading 1q84 in chinese will help... \

UIP has been good man!
though during camp u just get sooo tired and feels like omg let this be over
after less than one day, you are already missing your awesome mentees and fellow VIs le :D
RCYC~ (though its gonna be just as hard ta-haning haha 4d3n eh! >< )

you know how we know (oops bad confusing english) that things we do are meaningful, but yet sometimes its just so hard to press on and feel the meaning?
thank you, UIP cadets and mentees, for reassuring that all we do is not in vain. :)
it is indeed something that i will hold close and use to remind myself of why the heck im still doing all these
the future is indeed hopeful

alright, some counter points here
though passion is hard to inspire, it is no doubt quite manageable
however, the real challenge is for it to be sustained
when our daily troubles come to bother us, and grades, other commitments come into our way...
do we have to strength to hold on?
indeed i will for a long time, i hope that the passion inspired in the cadets during UIP will at least last them through their cadet years. :)

ahhh it sucks to have so many friends overseas!
have i mentioned it? im gonna mention it again lol
blehhh
sigh i miss my friends alr
why does ur prof pic keep appearing on the chat bar with a mobile phone sign even though you are miles away D: like some...reminder...
habits once formed, are the hardest to change in the first few days
however as time goes by, it gets easier
i have 1.5 more weeks to make it easier haha

i must remind myself that words without actions mean nothing at all.
though they are comforting to one sometimes, its like....empty fast food with no real nutrients?
idk blehh...
ah wells mental discipline is called for..
we all like to listen to reassuring words, but really, one must take extreme cautious with them, i shall not repeat my mistakes again.

24.11.11

2011-11-24T05:53:00.000-08:00

The world does not differentiate into the have and the have-nots
i need to remind myself of that fact so many times.
lets hope it stays

and operantly conditioning myself to become a better person! it better work man!

bleh gonna miss cell this friday...cell has been....impactful? last few weeks...
often, i feel something is amiss, something wrong
but the full impact doesnt really hit you until you start worshipping haha...

well, one doesnt really realise that God is missing till certain times i suppose...><

anyways life has been interesting this week haha
job attachment at eye centre was an erm eye-opening experience! haha :P
literally too cos there was an eyelid surgery that i got to see!
so yeah not easy being a doctor man....
respects haha

going away for camp tmr!
need sleep early today like in 15 mins muahahhaha

ahhh so many of my friends flying off to various places thus far :(
sigh forever alone ah wells

ahh JC1 is over!
compared to sec4 i really accomplished so little this year ><
Nvr mind, i have resolved to work hard next year
not get distracted by stupid things
and just focus on the end and do it

SIUCC

20.11.11

2011-11-20T05:41:00.000-08:00

woah quite a lot? happened this week?

hmmmm realisations...
sometimes in life (i swear this phrase is super overused but zzz) we DO have to give up our perhaps lofty dreams and things we enjoy doing for other more practical and important goals in life...
idk if im ready to accept this...but i will definitely try to ba haha
though it suck to realise that the dreams one is holding on to is irrevocably dashed...

ah wells...

at least today was fun haha!
baking ^^

ahhh schs ending..gonna miss my batchmates and friends...wont see them till next year zomgggg

would you rather harmony under inauthenticity, or conflict brought about by authenticity?

16.11.11

2011-11-16T07:20:00.000-08:00

the best way to do something u dont want to is
just go do it real fast before your brain can stop you xD

tread carefully, my friend, be very careful indeed

blehhh so many interesting things to do but they will take up so much time!

anyone interested in joining me for a social experiment that wld require aprox 0.5~1hr work everyday?
or a mini psych study/survey that involves going on the streets giving out random surveys? :D
pls pls pls tell me if interested haha!

ahhhh though reviewing LPs can get boring at times
at the end of the day i still know that what i am doing has real meaning!
and that makes it feel many times better than say mugging chem? xD
not like mugging chem is not fun la haha!

whee for zen mode today! :)
or at least most of the time
keep it up boy!

14.11.11

2011-11-14T05:03:00.000-08:00

It just dawned upon me a few days ago that the batch of sec1s when i was a sec3 are sec4s-to-be!
gosh how fast man...they have grown up from sec1 to sec4 all in an blink of an eye
the root of this feeling is perhaps the surprise at how it seemed like yesterday when i was a sec3...
you know, how we always say things change?
but they never do
went back to raja block that day
it still looked the same, the same old classrooms same old chairs same old duzhe strewn across the place
heck, it even smelt the same....
it is us that changed (not in the personality sense)
we have moved on, yet we often think that things have slipped past us....
ah wells
thats inevitable!

hmmmm...

thoughts playing on the tip of my tongue, the edge of my mind
food for thought indeed, though not a food that i particularly enjoy, but still food nonetheless

ok basically i just finished reading a fan fic haha
the plot is like 2 enemies drank a potion that accidentally linked their mental states together, and also made to experience each others most defining moment in their past (which of course, is kinda emo/dark etc)
and whaddaya know, they fall in love.

1) a line in it struck me
both of them commented that they didnt change
which is true, they merely understood each other more and thus allowed themselves to be open to the other party.
which led me to think, in our lives, how do we know that i dislike someone etc?
many times, we simply dont understand enough
although, i do think theres a line between thinking that oh-i-dont-understand-his-actions and deciding that someones actions are wrong
like, understanding hitlers psychoanalysis will help, but it does not, and never will justify his actions
similarly, understanding cannot be an excuse for all actions
-then again, i might be exerting moral superiority-

2) is it possible for 2 ppl with conflicting ideology/personality to fall in love?
(sounds familiar lol)
ok la thought i think the fanfic sorta erm cleared it out?
though i do admit that i cannot visualizes something like that happening in real life at all...
it just seems impossible (at least for me??)
to look at some (endearing) aspects of a person and conveniently ignore the other not so appealing parts hahaha
ah wells
authenticity? hmmm...
maybe i see the world in white and black much more that i thought i do?

haha last point for this blog today!
i do believe that God did not allow us to be in this world to pass judgement or to condemn ppl
be it due to orientation reasons, religious reasons or whatnot.
it is God's and His duty alone to pass judgement
and of course, He have very different criteria from those that we use...
and yes world laws do exist, but more to provide a social structure or something like that?
though parts of it might coincide/ is similar to God's law haha
so basically, we can "judge" ppl's actions base on our laws
but we cannot force judge anyones personality and character?
hmmm does this contradict my hitler point on top??
interesting....
in that case, does the world condemn hitlers actions, or do we condemn hitler?
his actions no doubt!
for a hitler that didnt kill would not be hitler as we know it!
God doesnt hate certain groups of ppl, its the haters themselves that do...
ahhh wells just my 2 cents worth
haha attempting to rationalize my worldview as usual!
one can call it self-bluffing, one can also call it making a system free of bugs..

ahh cca sessions were good! ^^

13.11.11

2011-11-13T07:23:00.000-08:00

haha its been a while since i blogged!

learning so much from contact sessions man...
theres really so many tiers of whatever skills
just when you thought u are proficient on one tier, u have a glimpse of a higher tier
and you just keep on moving and learning and improving man... :D

YAY op and bio O over!
haha they went well la
though 2 very different versions of well here hahaha!

ahhh holidays can begin for real man!
ok though i slacked off like some mad dog today haha...
ah nvm! the rest of the days shall be productive and
most importantly, some time will be spent doing what i really want!
read for starters!! :D

and perhaps bake? :D
and my mini-project!

7.11.11

2011-11-07T07:02:00.000-08:00

im disgusted at how hard it is for ppl to change their mind (myself included)
seems that whatever argument/discussion ppl do, as long as it concerns some belief that sorta anchors a large part of ones belief system down, one is unable to change his/her mind.

but alas,
perhaps, just perhaps, we can all seek to understand (what weak pale words)
and live our lifes, full of conflict that we prefer not to resolve and is unable to resolve
and enjoy the moments where it doesnt surface, make small talk about non-consequential issues.
but ah wells, i shall be contended.

a fortress erected recently is no doubt prone to attacks that shakes it,
however, as time goes by, it gets stronger and stronger.
harder and harder to break to fall to shatter.

6.11.11

2011-11-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

有人问毕加索：”你到底在画什么？我什么都看不懂。“
毕加索问他：”你听过鸟叫吗？“
那人回答：”听过。”
毕加索再问：“好听吗？”
那人说：“好听。”
毕加索又问：“你听的懂吗？”
那个人说：“听不懂。”
其实在你不懂得什么是美的时候，美也照样存在。美绝对不会因为你的不懂而消失。
:)

from du zhe!
quite interesting haha
a take on what is beauty and what is art. just cos we dont understand it, that doesnt give us any basis to claim its not beautiful or its not worth appreciating haha

but haha this take only avoids the main question lol
cos it still doesnt address what exactly is beauty and what is beautiful
so can all things be beautiful/artistic?

anyway just random but i do consider the ability to comprehend beauty, be it in nature or in art as a defining characteristic of humans xD

be satisfied with friendly banter :)

3/11/11

2011-11-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

i think its working :)

2011-10-30T06:24:00.000-07:00

不冷不热的回答最让我难以回应了。。。><
but anyways!

你见或者不见我
It doesn't matter if you see me or not
我就在那里
I am standing right there
不悲不喜
with no emotion

你念或者不念我
It doesn't matter if you miss me or not
情就在那里
the feeling is right there
不来不去
and it isn't going anywhere

你爱或者不爱我
It doesn't matter if you love me or not
爱就在那里
Love is right there
不增不减
and it is not going to change

你跟或者不跟我
It doesn't matter if you are with me or not
我的手就在你手里
My hand is in your hand
不舍不弃
and I am not going to let go

来我的怀里
Let me embrace you
或者
or
让我住进你的心里
let me live in your heart to eternity
默然相爱
Silence. love
寂静欢喜
Calmness.Joy

nice poem haha. just reminded me of God's love for us :)
(except the first stanza haha His love is not with no emotion lol)
anyway apparent its from a movie!

ahhhh this week has beeeeeeennnnn gooooddddd!
monday i felt downright terrible, but really thank God for so many awesome friends!
having fun on wed and sat just chased my worries away, if only life can be like that!

chit-chating to friends on fb/msn is relaxing too haha
really, i now think i definitly overanalyzed and over think in the past haha
小题大做 xD

so yeah the week has been awesome!
more cool stuff coming forward in the next 3 weeks till sch ends!

:)
if only i can hold on to this bout of happiness! this bright day that i have not encountered for so long for the next months to come!
but seriously, this is like one of the best weeks of JC haha
just felt so joyful and hopeful :)

haha ok time to sleep le tmr still got bio o prac!

无题

2011-10-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

温暖的，夏日的雨
沉甸甸的雨点落下来
震锝整片叶子颤抖。
我的心也是这样
当它听到了你的名字

this is not a poem but still nice haha
“外面没有别人，只有你自己。
所有的人，事，物都是你内在的投射，就像镜子一样反射你的内在。
当外界有东西触动你时，记得，要往外看。看看自己哪个地方的旧伤又被触动了，看看自己有哪些阴影还没有整理好。不要浪费能量在那些外在的，不可改变，不可抗拒的东西上。
先在内在层面做一个调整集合，然后再集中精力去应付外在可以改变的部分”

how true.
but how unrealistic too

can emotions be controlled?
should emotions be controlled?

"anyway, happiness for me now is really not that dependent on studies liao xD
(however, the lack thereof is partly dependent on results! :O ) " --13.7.11
How true.
today it showed itself again on both counts...

If God given you a gift/talent
it would not be right to not put your full to it wont it?
like it will be wasting your talent, just because you didnt put enough effort in it to let it show.

only happy with Hist.
BCM was not that bad when u look at it from a birds eye view and considering my preparations.
but zooming in, one finds many careless mistakes and how though they look nice, i deproved ( i DONT GIVE A SHIT WHETHER THATS A WORD OR NOT OOPS) in terms of percentile.
KI was just disappointment la.

AH!!! the desire to perform better than others! ><
why issit so persistent in so many lives...
i suppose its human nature...
still...its getting on my nerves...
i shall outdo myself firstly!
-the ravings of a madman-

never mind...life has to go on
cca still on tmr
though im really really not in the mood to go down, i must talk to them abt UIP.

also, i really find it quite...sad? that so many ppls mood get so affected by a number that the world assigns to us (not that im completely not guilty for it but...)
but...its just like today the sch was so buzzing with...energy? :/

and shit la my blog is filled with negative stuff. need to find somewhere else to write these down.
hopefully from now on it will be dominated by happy/contemplative thoughts.

tmr is another new day. what discoveries await..?

i dont think JC has matured me much..? im certainly more...exposed...to things.
but in terms of dealing with them, im just like the person before being exposed to it
i never learn do i?

God, heal me of past hurts.
maybe its not Your intention to
but to keep them there as a painful reminder?

hope is the thing with feathers
trust is the thing of glass

Last Day!

2011-10-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

"Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died."

last day of home alone!
last day of Blissful? ignorance!

One Day more!

Day 8

2011-10-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

its really really scary to not even know who myself is...
i do certain actions but i sometimes really have no idea why i did it...
be it through peer pressure or i genuinely wanted to rawr.

and i think its almost impossible for humans to convince others to change their world view or whatnot.
these sort of things are changed through self reflection and insights...
i think what ppl can do is merely ask questions about motives and inconsistencies..
but alas due to Duhem-Quine hypothesis, its hard to change views based on evidences alone...

trust is too easily shattered...
and the sad thing is that once its shattered, its almost impossible for it to be the same again..
not to mention to caution to trust again.
haha everyone goes through this sort of thing once in a while..

sometimes i wonder issit due to me reading too much, or is my perception justified..
oh dear posting late at night does no good to my brain nor my content. nights!

Day 6

2011-10-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

haha
it just struck me how artificial singapore is...
like sure we have nice buildings and trees all over the island with a greenery coverage of something percent..
but all those LOOK THE SAME no matter u are in pasir ris, hougang or AMK..
not like literally the same, but the general feel is so monotonous!
千篇一律..

so much of our original nature stuff has been replaced with the bland taste of man made substitutes...
like the beaches we have...
real natural beaches are nothing like those in ECP...
but then, all over the world, all those tourist attractions are man made beaches...
maybe humans do have a tendency to go for comfort of what we made...
thankfully the world still appreciates the original state of nature...
xD

inauthenticity irks me
authenticity might bring conflict and disharmony
so how? :/

slowly getting numb i think..

Day 5

2011-10-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

haha 5 days! (only halfway? :O ) so far so good xDD
quite different tempo
come home, slack around, turn on com, read campbell.

played with a wild cat on the way home today!
cats are intriguing man...
sometimes they like to rub your legs..making you believe that it actually likes you
and meow at you and all
but when you want to touch it, it draws away.
and when you decided to leave it, it doesnt even look back, as if nothing ever happened...
maybe i need a sense of detachment too...(definitely not the faking part though!)
haha at a certain point i will just get desensitized to everything... :/

the death of an ideal...

fruitful hunt in raja block today!
2 du zhe and one zong he tian kong! the good old days haha
ahhh sigh la my chinese is seriously lagging behind by a lot le...
TYPE AWESOME CHINESE POEMS FOR NEXT POST!!!!
ok thats a reminder haha
ahhh chinese....
its beauty really shine through sometimes...

what makes ppl friends? and MOST importantly, stay friends?
im quite sure all ppl will have squabbles with their friends once in a while,
some friendships end with squabbles, bitterness, hidden feelings
with ppl just at best drifting apart, at worst turning sour and into enemies and kan bu shun yan..
while others emerges unscathed, even stronger after squabbles...
issit the path pre-determined by the values and personality? (ahhh recurring theme again...)
i think most ppl will know what strengthens a frienship (common likings, experiences, sharing of personal stuff... etc etc)
but what is the factor that causes some friends to stick together, while others dont?
what causes a pair of friends to go from just normal friends to close friends?
what causes it to stay there? what causes it to deteriorate?
interesting...issit psych related?

(maybe looking at all those stuff from such a detached and analytical angle will help me not get too affected? i doubt so when im indirectly involved hahaha xDD)

double standards suck..seriously...
why do human beings fall into such traps SO EASILY ahhhh
and not see whats painfully obvious to others--our own faults...
maybe we prefer to think that we are right cos we cant face our true weak self?
inauthenticity haha
i do believe that all humans have our own weaknesses and bad things, be it from experience or whatnot, that we are unable to overcome by our own strength..

Masquerade from Phantom is a nice song!

my small accumulations of negative energy in mood may produce unwanted lashing out against others
2 solutions.
keep it like that
or try to keep it in more...
sigh...

Praying for a change in the tide.
God help me..things that i cannot control....
Its all up to You...

Seek to Understand, Not Judge.. :)

:)

2011-10-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

strangely appropriate

screw confirmation bias
fuck self-righteousness
why cant ppl just see past the imperfections of others
argh bloody hell...
screw this. seriously...screw all of this.

this vortex that threatens to consume all
this thin balance that we walk on
this fragile warped beautiful monstrous glassware
and the things underneath..

your haunting words keeps on ringing in my mind...

please God, grant me the strength to raise up above my situation and now stay self indulgent...

16.10.11

2011-10-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

woah quite a while since i last posted but dont feel that way somehow xD

DAY 1!
anyway went chek jawa for more seagrass volunteering today! woohoo not bad not bad sia! saw much more awesome marine organism ahhhh zomg zomg zomg sooo coool
ok enough of ogling at sea slugs and all xD

im addicted to hunger games! ahhh
literally swallowed 2 books in like 2 days zomg...
shall start on book 3 tmr haha
though its like seriously interfering with campbell and OP haha
thats why i will finish it asap ;)
havent encountered such a book in a long time...
actl kinda weird leh.
not like its plot is fantastic, it no doubt is unique, but cheesy, messy, and holey at many points...
yet i keep wanting to finish reading it haha xD
nice blend of romance and action though!

and my pw group is seriously the love man! hahah we are a bunch of so damn epic ppl xDD

once again, who will be there?
no one.
nope.

11.10.11

2011-10-11T06:54:00.001-07:00

we only see such a small part of the entire world and humans...
beyond our sights, unimaginable evil takes place on one end of the spectrum
while at the other extreme, countless others are giving their lifes for the betterment of our world..
it is important not to lose sight of either end, or let one end shade your view from the gigantic spectrum.
and of course, to believe in the best in everyone, or at least, most humans :)

just realised that as long as a whatsapp convo is going on, i cannot sms the person freely....even though the convo is like not replying... :(

if 2 ppl were to believe that if the other care, they wld make a move, then it wld just be stalemate. but also, it also shows how selfish they are? not willing to put self's ego and whatnot down...

for the last time, damn my cynicism!

hmmm i get disappointed WAY too easily...
so dont let me down...dont ever..make promise that u cant keep :(
i hope that i do give ppl the benefit of doubt time and time again, but haha high standards...

"Then again, how many of us can safely say that we know who we really are? How many of us truly understands ourselves?

It scares me to think that no one will completely understand, appreciate and accept who you truly are. But it's even scarier to think that you yourself don't understand your own personality. Because if you don't, who will? :/"

10.10.11

2011-10-10T08:48:00.001-07:00

有很多想说的事。。但不知道说出来后别人会是什么反应。。所以不敢：/
辛亥革命！非常不错的电影！强力推荐！！
挺！ xD
哈哈回学校了，感觉还可以，又有点回到正轨哈哈

ah wells
关我什么事吗？
hmmm 我认为我找到自己”在行“的事了！ xD
的把这个“天份”发挥好咯～
不能让它反过来影响我！

is there a value on human life?
does it seem hard to choose btw the death of a person that will save millions and a normal average joe?
-inspired by one dies millions cry, million dies, none cares photo-
yeah famous and good ppl pass away
and millions pass away too
does the big scale mourn inevitably shows the different values in human life?
or issit the case that human life itself is priceless, but that each human life creates different values?
and our mourning is not of the life, but the potential that is lost (dont the many lifes lost in africa and etc etc have infinite potential too??) and the respect given to the value that that life has created?
it does ease the problems a little bit...
still, we wld be reluctant to say that our mourning is unjustified, and also reluctant to mourn for every death...
haha i shall conclude that the difference lies in the value that the lifes create.
then again what defines the value that it create! zomg haha impact? or positive change in general? (utilitarianism haha) ah wells dilemma indeed hmmm...

ok this is a weird post LOL
actl maybe its just to revive chinese tag lol

在你心里，我又是怎么样的？

8/10/11

2011-10-08T07:56:00.000-07:00

God up high,
Hear my prayer
Take me now
To thy care
Where you are
Let me be
Take me now
Take me there
Bring me home
Bring me home

Come with me
Where chains will never bind you
All your grief
At last, at last behind you
Lord in Heaven
Look down on him in mercy.

forgive me all my trespasses
And take me to your glory.

Take my hand
And lead me to salvation
Take my love
For love is everlasting
And remember
The truth that once was spoken
To love another person
Is to see the face of God.

the last 2 lines...how true...

anyway the dunhem quine hypothesis is a scary thing...and theres no way escaping it...

Feels a bit weird and apprehensive for the future months..hmmm
Realised that I didnt blog a review of my past year around birthday like last few years lol. Haha my birthday marka the 3?4? Year anniversary of my blogging journey! And ah what a wonderful journey indeed!

Haha ah wells. One cant have everything, have to forgo certain things! Its hard...can I do it?

Funny little desires..

another song! (added on 9th!)
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

If exams and whatnot didnt matter and I dont have to worry ant making a living, I will study the development and teachibgs of the various religions in the world!

4.10.11

2011-10-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

wheee finally promos is over hahaha xD and psle also over soon so that means epic slack time~~
had so much fun today and yesterday LOL
ice skating with 3 classmates was fun! and the random lets go to pasir ris!
haha the two blisters and numerous abrasions on my feet are worth it man!

org comm reunion today! had loads of fun laughing at ppl and playing guitar hero and all hahaha xDDD ahhhhh
hanging out with friends, talking crap/life/nonsense in such a carefree manner....really really relaxing and nice.....

alas...
there will always be thoughts that haunt you, even in those times, or after everythings over
hmmmmmm....am i a timid person? i wld think so....?
but oh wells.
what to do haha
and life goes on~
with pw lol xD

29.9.11

2011-09-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

havent been so disappointed in myself for a v long time :/
but theres still 2 mores battles to be fought
the war is not over yet
God, be with me...

27.9.11

2011-09-27T06:41:00.000-07:00

forever caught between a dilemma

brief break in the middle of promos week
thank God :)

stop being so idealistic, its not gonna work
its not my problem or business, dont care abt it, and stop being so bossy
toughen up, yu hui, toughen up.

25.9.11

2011-09-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

wheee promos in 11 hours!
haha i can do this!
birthday was not bad lol
got more ppl wish me than expected xDD

oks short update whee
church service ytd was good haha
ready or not, promos here i come haha
actl i think for hist i hit the pt of aiya heck alr haha
but anyways! lets pray tmr questions wont be too hard hahaha

bb!

22.9.11

2011-09-22T08:29:00.000-07:00

whatever happens, dont let it affect you!

freud will have something to say

2011-09-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

yeaps. he will have something to say abt my attitude indeed.
rationalizing perhaps? hmmmm...aiya dun care le la
crap la dunno if its due to the build up of promos stress with various trigger factors such as talking to some ppl abt some things and KI and peer pressure and all
recently my dominate mood is one thats slightly unstable and abnormal with only little pockets of normality in between leh...
how ah? :/
im worried abt promos, however what worries me most is that how i dont seem that worried by my unpreparedness, nor do i seem to have retained the spark of motivation that i once had...
just v tired these few days haiz
maybe i burn out too fast lol
and yes, bad revision planning :/

sigh only a few more days to go
still unprepared ><
but oh wells....
argh seriously this is f-ed up zzz

i need sleep haiz
im incoherent now

no one will care abt u when the time comes, after all, everyone has their own priorities first...
hmmmmm realised how hypocritical and internally inconsistent my belief system is...

and anyways, i think its v hard for any belief system to be entirely rational within itself and free of contradictions eh (unless one is a nihilist...)
like take one belief u have to its logical essence and extreme, u will discover that u are unable to accept it in some other scenarios?
i dunno lazy think of example tired alr

18.9.11

2011-09-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

yay the talk in church abt evo vs creationism was interesting

at least he didnt bring up irreducible complexity...
though im quite sure it exist somewhere in the belief system too...
haha interesting POVs la...
not 100% convinced by anything much though :/
seems like loads of selective evidence choosing to me...

in any case! 2 thoughts for the day after the course!
1) a theory can never be able to stand just by pointing out faults with other theories alone, which is baiscally what happened.
and also, im starting to think that falsification isnt that good a way to establish scientific fact anymore...
and hmmm most prob with creationism is that its untestable and all, as its a explain-everything theory. :/
haha, can things that cant be repeated be called science? can evolution be observed again? hmmm...not the exact conditions, but shld be able to see the big things right? and hmmmm it is not free from extrapolations yet...

anyway, is death of any form before the fall of man reconcilable with my belief system and what christianity is abt? hmmmm :/

2)! ah shit la knowledge is so limited!! theres this book that apparently points out loopholes in the radioactive dating system. but i cant understand anything in it!! ><
its due to my own lack of knowledge in SO MANY fields such as physics, stats and all....
if i dont want to trust whatever i read, i have to figure things out myself
but i freaking cant cos of limitations in time and all...
and i dont even have time or the prowess to understand what the book is talking abt
sigh...depressing that we can only know so little...

anyway life has been quite messy lately :/
cannot let other things consume me,esp at such times.
shall just focus on studying and go with the flow abt the rest. turn it around after promos.

17/9/11

2011-09-16T09:51:00.001-07:00

Hmmm b59 poc and pop today..writing.this on phone lol...
Sigh felt quite sad / depressed after it ended for a couple of reasons..
Like how my batch is not bonded like theirs...
And how it seemed like ytd that I myself passed out...
And how sad it is to say bye to such an awesome batch...
And how my batch didn't get any cards lol xD

Almost cried, not when the ceremony ended, but after half an hour after event...Its just...seeing that my juniors are graduating so soon and they will be going to jc..
and so much has changed in RI, for them and esp me since last year...
Reminded of how life was so much simpler last year...

No all these stuff that make life so bloody complicated...
Pw, subjects,cca,friends, many committments...(not all these applies to me)

Life was so much simpler in ri...But it never will be like that again....
I hope all of them do well in jc...
And stay out of all that shit that makes life so bloody disgusting...

15.9.11

2011-09-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

gosh havent blogged a week LOL
haha cos almost fell sick on mon so slept for damn long the past few days + uncle in singapore!= mugging gone xDD
but the dinner out with uncle was good!

casserole restaurant with Moroccan cuisine! ^^though our cod fish became seabass, after calling the chef we got free dessert and didnt count the fish (it was almost finished!)

LOL xDhaha i did something super out of the blue today.i actl ran around the sch (outside)! its apparently around 2.7~2.8 km haha it was erm a good experience!
though i certainly did not get the destressed feeling since i felt pretty much the same after that haha but someone say cos i not running enough yet xD
but hmmm why did i do that lol. its a Sensing activity? which is my tertiary? so lol dunno hahabut i was feeling like weird these few days haha. hard to put a finger on it :/
less self conscious? but the v act of thinking that is more self conscious than i will...haha dunno la
shit la still got so much to do for KI and hist :/barely touched it... ><
sigh how ah ah crap la
everyone mugging so hard
grrr nvr mind
i can do it!!
hmmm...it sucks when u cant do the things u truly want, but have to do like stuff thats not the 1st...oh wells, i will do my best in bio O nonetheless! campbell, u going down after promos lol

8.9.11

2011-09-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

Moments of the past, came here to find you
Not to relive them, just to remind you
haha song lyrics! nice right ^^

almost finished reading sophies world!
shall save the last bit for the mrt ride tmr haha xDD

crap la no concrete mugging schedule :/ dangerous ><
hmmmm....
at least for chem im almost done with past CTs topics le (oh god why did i start with the last subject tested)

sigh im too cynical
we shld all avoid making ourselves sound like tragic heroes, its disgusting... ><

argh,
the battle between human nature and what is good for you

"man is condemned to be born free"
but yet, we are weighed down by the outcomes (i.e responsibilities?) of our actions
and have to worry abt social norms, what other think etc etc...

sigh im still the same old me in many aspects...my old (bad?) way of thought and thinking is resurfacing...

bleh might be in the grip hmmm

“Never look for justice, but never cease to give it; and never allow anything you meet with to sour your relationship to men through Jesus Christ.”
Right when i need it :)

6.9.11

2011-09-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

五味杂陈。。。
同学出国了。。拿PSC奖学金的朋友也很快就走了。。
我的未来呢？：/
挺喜欢美国那种可以自己选课程的大学专业。。

haha ok a bit of chinese lol.
ahhh haha my INFP side is showing more and more lol
-overly idealistic at times
- values harmony
- holds strongly to some ideals..

haha its one thing to know my weakness and why small things affects me so much
but to change it is totally another story!

haha recent few days were quite productive studying in sch. but come back home productivity drops like some mad dog.
hmmm 2 weeks plus to CTs
havent touched KI or hist yet :/
have no idea how to touch it too...
hist shall erm wait for tutorials ba.
KI is just hahahha....

anyway life is really weird lol!

tame my heart~

hmmmm....i wonder how much i will miss JC after its over!
i suppose looking back, we notice the good times we have much more than the bad!
ahhh the amazing human mind's selective memory lor!

haha once again, how much of all this is just pointless teenage angst lor
a lot

4.9.11

2011-09-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

haha MC runner was an enlightening experience!
it wasnt THAT bad, but i suppose i did have it better than CAC or FAcom since FDCOM is like repeat sequence 11 times lolol.
and the ops officer was handling everything like a boss man!
and also loads of help from my media IC!!!
haha but the walkie gave me an insight to how much effort goes behind an event and how much diff things the oic has to concern himself over!
so much different from those small events that i handled in the past...
gosh...
haha i really wonder if im able to take it up in the future!

haha tonight was a weird night...
and hmmm now i dun even need to be in the grip to feel incompetent :/

everything in this world has its place...

3.9.11

2011-09-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

haha meant to post for a while le...
teachers day concert was good!
glad to see some non-conventional performances like those from gym and like wu shu!
eye opener haha xDD

lifes been quite good lately lol! a turn for the upside since a while back haha xDD
Thank God that things worked out fine till now~
Prayer/Worship meeting in sch on wed was quite cool! a lot of ppl turned up more than what i expected xD
had a great time there lol
and it is super interesting to see how different ppl/churches do things differently ^^

ahhh now hols starting le~
need to focus energy on like mugging and all lor...
haha shall do well for promos!!
senses my motivation get back woohoo

haha MBTI after teachers day was erm kinda waste time
nothing much can be done in that short time la...
and haha doing the test again is really a :/ thing to do...
u know ur MBTI, and how each option leads to what
so how to make it not biased lor
but hmmm a few things mentioned in the online MBTI profiles really struck a cord with me haha (btw im INFP haha)
"INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly."
HAHA yah i suppose thats why i value harmony as impt lol. and i dislike hidden conflicts that i can sorta get a gist of.

Thoug this "INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. " is just SO NOT me haha i hope i can be that :P

and i do sincerely hope that this "Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well." is an apt description of me by others :)

haha anyway i think i can type switch? efficiently enough la. like wont be confined to like one type or anything lol
after all, type switching is impt! woohoo developing inferior functions haha
hmmm i think im capable of E,T,and J (though J takes up effort xD) haha my S is still quite undeveloped and low lor

whee mc runner in 8 hrs time!
excited!!!

30.8.11

2011-08-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

if you give away your heart too easily, very soon it will be worthless...

does treasuring a lot of things makes their value less?

24.8.11

2011-08-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

haha finally got started on my history TA xDD
woah learning abt history is fascinating!
started the year with a series of misunderstandings stemming from fundamental idealogical causes and suspicions, and how they ultimately lead to the Cold War
and now learning how, through another series of events, be it willing or unwilling, the Colw War ended...
haha it does seem quite circumstantial now ^^
many things happen outside of the control of ppl in power, and most of their actions came at the right time for things to happen ^^

23.8.11

2011-08-23T07:02:00.001-07:00

every once in a while i wonder to myself
"oh just WHAT am i doing with my life in JC"
><
afraid that my fear will come through...
re-consolidating differences...

i do suppose its quite an unusual thing to get a (mistaken) warning slip for short skirt....wonder if it happened to anyone before...

22.8.11

2011-08-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

sigh didnt get OGL
sigh...
the feelings of having ur hopes, dreams, motivation for 6 months dashed is a terrible terrible feeling
and esp when u cant possibly know why u arent chosen...
things like this, it really boils down to fate le.
no point asking why...
i have given up...

but

this wont be the worse i will go through
my life is still much longer
this, though a serious blow, will not kill me and only make me stronger
and, i know, this process of getting over it only helps me get closer to God :)

get a grip
get myself out of the grip (hurhur MBTI)
wipe away the sadness
put up a smile
look towards the horizon
yes, i will feel down over it again
yes, i will feel sad when its February and im stuck in lectures
but, i will learn and know how some things are not meant to be
whatever will be, will be
and, i will gather up the pieces, set of, towards new opportunities, towards, perhaps, better things planned? even though now i might not see the value of it yet
but, things are in the future! up for grabs! UIP RCYC here i come!
-on a side note, if i dont get uip...then.....-

anyway times like this really let me see the ugly side of myself
how my anger and sadness might just lash out
and how it turns into jealousy (not just envy ><) and malicious thoughts...
not good not good...the continuous process of pruning myself and self-actualization...
and also! i seem to more selfish when im emo hmmmm...
there shld be a psychological backing to it..

ppl come to me and tell me their problems
while mine seems bigger than theirs
i also know that there are friends tackling much bigger issues in life
its all subjective...

i lift my hands

2011-08-20T07:02:00.001-07:00

i guess i shld stop seeing things as something i shld have gotten or why is it not me
but rather
all things as blessings from God :)
a much needed change in perspective... :)

19/8/11

2011-08-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

sigh...
this is a bad week...
3 tests, 3 ccas alone are enough to stress one out slightly
but today....
didnt get OGL+disappointments in cca...
D:
pls, just let me whine and bitch for today...

words really cant express how.........i am at the ogl results.
getting woken up by a call from well meaning friends to comfort me
as the reality sinked in....
something i have hoped for 6 months...is gone.
poof.
sigh....what can one do?
ever since PSL, ive told myself im gonna get this.
having it as a motivation to do well for CTs and Promos...
now....
and all my "back-up" plans seems so so so bleak in comparison
sigh...
what really sucks is, i suppose, that one is not aware of the exact reasons of rejection
but, one can conclude that it is INHERENTLY due to one's own incompetence, rather than other unfortunate factors (at least, before i go check the list, this is what i think, and most prob is true)
first its DF...now its OGL...the few things that before JC started, i told myself is what i will aim for and become a part of the oh so sweet memories in JC, now is gone
no chance of redeeming it...
God, why did you make me desire things that i cannot achieve...><
being unable to do things that you want so bad is prob one of the worst feelings in the world...

sigh i have issues with letting go lor :/ living in the past too much ><
hmmm
but nevertheless i will eventually rise up, it might take a while, since the significance of this event will not be diminished, esp with the preparations of orientation coming up and orientation itself in 6 months time.
but, i will rise up above the situation
and i will praise God despite my situations
find joy in the Lord!
though it is hard now to look at the blessings of every issue
thanks God for great friends and their words of encouragement! really appreciate their intentions! ^^
haha one friend told me that such unhappiness only comes from the need to compare
that is, if i know that i have done what i did to the best of my abilities, i should be satisfied.
:)
it aint gonna be easy, as this is one great loss
but i WILL do it.
lets hope that seeing the list on monday wont be too much of a hit xDD

17.8.11

2011-08-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

gosh...
spent almost the entire night reading up on
1) origins of life (abiogensis)
realised that i dont understand 90% of the 20++ different theories proposed up there...
2) intelligent design
some points are worth a note...
and theres actl an eqn calculating speed of evolution? :O
3) many different theories reconciling the "differences" btw evolution and religion
realised that quite a big number of religions have no difficulty in doing so
including the roman catholic church
which made me wonder where/why this big hoohaa started...
and decided its in USA lol. where ppl link everything to religion and politics :/
4)reason, faith and God's place
hmmmm....God of the Gaps?
interesting.....
what if a) those gaps are unable to be explained by science? are there such things?
then are we justified in using God to explain those gaps?
argument from ignorance? so how does one effectively confirm it?
if the answer is one can never, then it isnt exactly fair is it?
does the above then imply the lack of God is unfalsifiable??
or b) we are able to use God to substantiate the explanation of all areas?
hmmm....
and the implications!
if the gaps are diminishing, as the most prob will with advances in science, how?
hmmmm...im not a fundamentalist, but i have yet to internalize fully why that is not a good position to take, both in terms of reason and faith.
haha interesting questions right! ^^ i do believe asking questions builds ones faith lol
oh wells.
a night well spent haha xDD

and i am made more aware of the rise of nationalism in many countries :/
Norway, England, and Singapore too..more and more so recently...
yes there are legitimate concerns, but how much of all these stem from xenophobia and lack of understanding??
with globalization not slowing down its pace, and the increasing use of social media, no doubt such trends will grow in force in the years to come.
even PM Lee bothered mentioning how singapore's policies will always put Singaporeans First. (it does seems to be pretty obvious, but the fact that he has to explicitly mention this says something)
being an immigrant myself in some sense, such issues and mentalities no doubt relates to me.
since the movements of immigrants seems to be unstoppable, and for singapore, as it is such a small city state with a -ve population growth, its definitely unwise to keep the talents and ppl out.
it is then up to the gov to balance it. i daresay the gov is doing an ok job?
the mentality of some singaporeans though, its unacceptable.
for one, we shld all aspire to 以德服人, not to fight fire with fire and trade insults no?
and being rationally concerned is one thing, but denying or ostracizing foreigners due to own's incompetence is just being defeatist and....!!! (garh i shall end my attempt in writing properly)
that was a response to a comment i saw online towards PM lee saying 18% of uni places go to foreigners
one guy said "i wld prefer no foreigners in my classroom tyvm"
not to mention it is entirely unsupported and unjustified, but it makes me thinks why doesnt he want to
there IS no rational reason to!!!
i hope that singaporeans, esp online, can a) see the bigger picture of the governments situation and b)when faced with ignorance and impoliteness from others, show our etiquette by being, well, civil.

-i wonder if my blogpost will get slammed or anything lol-
hmmm quite a good night spent! on interesting and enriching stuffies thats not studies related ^^

15.8.11

2011-08-15T07:48:00.001-07:00

realised
how this blog is just erm quite filled with all my whines lor :/
xD but hey its my method of destressing and clearing things up!
and hey i do blog abt good things lol ^^

NOTE: complications mentioned in the post below includes, but is not exclusive to, almost ALL human relationships.

i think its kinda true that in this world not many ppl cares too much abt yourself (other than yourself, that is)
like ppl comfort you, and yeah around there
but really, we all have our own stuff to settle and shit to handle.
so yeah

and also
its a bad thing that i have no idea how "deep" in the "pit" of melancholy i am lor :/ pssh
nvm whats there to do abt it anyway!

too optimistic initially?
退一步海阔天空，忍一时风平浪静

14.8.11

2011-08-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

we can never have a life like monosaccharides...
it is just like that
talked to a friend on the way home today lol...
sigh i have to just accept it :/
shall not be deluded and still living in RI anymore...
maybe this is why ppl think RI is better?
things are so much less complicated there
and neh not cos new sch. cos of growing up
of being more and more close to real life.
like it or not, a school is an artificial environment. esp a boys sch
i have to grow up
be stronger
more mature
accept this fact

the world is interesting and sweet nonetheless!
one day they shall happen to me haha xD

hmmmm :/
the melancholic doesnt lift ：/
i suppose theres is no other way for me to deal with it than to go on
happy things? hmmm interesting....

haha cynical old me.
at the end of the day its still caused by that i suppose.....

13.8.11

2011-08-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

i have resolved to sms less after comparing with a few ppl haha xD

still kinda bothered by life lol
but its getting better :)

11.8.11

2011-08-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

how long does it take to know someone?
haha time is definitely not the defining factor here...
but still, is there a minimum time of interaction that one has to go through to be comfortable enough with someone?
to know that person well enough i mean...
hmmmm....
-inspired by all the ships after 6 months-
i suppose 6 months is enough xD what about anything shorter lol...

ahhh deans list out lol
gosh ppl are scary xD
need to work harder and get distracted less
MUCH less...
though now i am motivated to work harder to see my name appear under my favorite subjects xD
lolol must not let my class down xDD

so yeah...
but sigh it really is quite competitive to be in a RA class lor :/
not accustomed to it at all :/
but oh wells...i move on and all ^^
though sometimes, really, its a bit too much when u have such imba ppl around you and you sorta know that you cant possibly match up to their level haha...
nevertheless proud of 3M and 3N, not just the bio RA kids, but everyone in general haha
well at least i will know quite a few big shots in the future! xDD

sigh...why cant we live a life like monosaccharides?
simple and sweet...
no this is not a pick up line that im using...
but really, why cant we?
dislike a life that is so complicated with so many things happening at breakneck speed and so many things are changing around us and we cant keep up and at the same time thousand more folds of things are happening out of sight but affecting us even if we dont know about it and also what is about to happen what has already been planted and will happen the thoughts in peoples minds so complicated and so unseen and when we catch a glimpse of it we might be really shocked or surprised or sad to see it but yet there is no way we can forget it and have to live life with those knowledge that one really prefers not knowing and also those things flying around in the air the suspicions and secrets and stories untold and late night conversations and--

sigh....
not that i dont treasure/like it when my friends trust me and tells me stuff
but sometimes i find out stuff that i dont want to know
and now, really...i dont want to know more than whats necessary concerning people...
perhaps, i have subconsciously decided
shall, as my friend suggested, live my own life simply :)

a simple dream, but hard to aspire...
prays for friends in cambridge :)
hope all goes well there...

on a side note, fb's privacy settings are scary
so many ppl post impt things in groups but yet the group's security status is not protected at all..

10.8.11

2011-08-10T06:04:00.000-07:00

hmmm...
watched captain america after nat day celebration in sch haha
yeah it was not bad a movie lol
though i still doubt the practicality of fighting crime and upholding justice with a shield. xD

haiz...sometimes i really dont want to know so many things...
makes life too complicated...
but then again, not like not knowing it wld make it any better :/
seems like there is no way for life to be easier
then what made it so complicated?
sigh perhaps it is written in our very human existence ba...

ooooh i swam on nat day!
1st time after like 1 yr +++ xD yay enjoyed it haha

yay! suddenly felt that the bible is super interesting haha
now i have a way to read it ^^

i am reminded of the past
someone gave me an interesting perspective that i have no thought of
perhaps, i made it beautiful in my own eyes only...

oh and RI DF was good haha
though i still think last year's was better...
maybe i looked through it via tinted lens..?
haha...glad that my juniors won :D
proud of them ^^

still...one cant help but reminiscent...
perhaps, that was truly my first and last time...
and thats just how its meant to be...

5.8.11

2011-08-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

haha today was weird lol

made quite a few discoveries on tuesday haha
i won my bet of getting a gf later than XXX and got a free lunch!
woohoo
though im still kinda surprised that that person actl got attached hahah xD

but awwwwwwwww so cute! ^^

but anyways makes me wonder how does such things happen lol
he say such things just happens
which isnt saying much xDD

but still! i mean isnt it interesting??

and i shall read up on a section of book shelf in the library!
its all abt science and religion haha
flipped through the God Delusion today and a few other books lol (while pw)
Dawkins....is...extremist...to say the least....
true that religion of all kinds did indulge is some behavior thats not exactly right
but claiming it on part of religion rather than independent people, circumstances and culture is taking a huge step too far....
and his opening analogy of imaging a world w/o religion
which leads to no 9/11, etc etc
convienetly ignored ppl like Mother Theresa, Dalai Lama, and so many other ppl spreading hope around the world...

dun think hes gonna convince much ppl like this...
though the arguments he gave are creditable, such HASTY generalizations and one sided views!
gar cant stand it xD

though i do agree that many ppl have attempted to wrap religion for their own benefits...

zzz im quite n00b in many things that i do :/
sigh oh wells.....

argh im being stupid again

this post will be ranty

i think i cloud my own eyes with good thinking of others too much??
and perhaps i hope too much too....
though i do realise that im quite pessimistic about many things....

what is love? how can one know that one is in love without ever having experienced it?

sigh.
im foolish
i need more of God too....

oh wells...life goes on...

things do happen in JC...we must remain disciplined!

whats the point of planning my life out? :/
i tried planning my JC life out
but now, 8 months into jc, im still as lost as ever
and as messed up too :/

i do not believe that science and religion are irreconcilable.

and i cant understand materalism lol
like how can it be true! rawr xD

and it sucks to have close to nil knowledge of other minds.
but really...now i realise that there are things that ARE better off not knowing...
though storing them inside isnt the best solution...
airing them doesnt help either... ><

4.8.11

2011-08-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

awesome day today haha...
flying fox for bio soc!
was really scared but i did it quite fast lol xD
yay!
praying before really helped ^^
and cos we were suppose to shout whatever thats encouraging to others and ourselves before we jump,
i shouted faith haha xD

so yeah good day!
woohoo

shall sleep soon and blog abt the contemplative parts tmr or something xD

3.8.11

2011-08-03T08:26:00.001-07:00

wow...
im quite surprised at that piece of news today lol
a friend of mine just got attached haha xD
its quite interesting actl, cos like i do know him pretty well
though yeah hes a nice guy and all i didnt expect it coming yeah
but im sure he is mature enough and will make good out of it :)

really a lot of ppl liao sia!
lol its true that such things happen at high frequency in JC
gosh i feel 4evalone xDDD
but yeah thats not a bad thing, after all, close friendships >>rnlships ^^

haha yeah we are all different....
:)

anyway table tennis was fun! havent played in so long omigosh... xD
sadly didnt win T.T
i shall blame/think its nervess xD

on a side note OGL interview went ok imo
considering how i rush down after losing 2 games lol xD
so yeah now is just hope and pray for the best le :)

31.7.11

2011-07-31T08:58:00.001-07:00

realise i kinda miss living with my friends for a while haha xD
cos last year had org comm, perth and oip
living with friends is really an awesome experience lor :/

30.7.11

2011-07-30T06:24:00.000-07:00

No. it does not vic.
our thesis arent in direct contradiction with each other, its just that our assumptions clash.
and even eliminative materialists will hesitate to say that AI has knowledge...

ok that is SUPER NERDY

sigh...my emotions are really very easily influenced by others
be it through their words, actions, speech, tone. etc
:/
dunno whether its a good thing or bad thing...
its kinda bad when i get moody cos of others i suppose :/

oh wells....
><

sigh...loaded things
why cant life in general be simpler?
maybe cracks beneath the surface is inevitable, and anything short of a full blown shatter/collapse is good enough?
perhaps?
oh wells....i suppose it really is inevitable la.
perhaps more so with girls around haha xD

hmmm...interesting...

but i suppose i really am getting affected too much by others.
how to change ahhh D:

and oh yes!
haha i recently dreamt i was eating something! the cool part is that i actl remembered that i experienced taste in a dream, which never happened before lol xD
haha it was smoked small walnuts and it tasted smoky and salty yum yum!

and i think i dreamt about flying on planes for like 4/5 times since june?
and thats just those that i can remember..
what does this mean man...xD

hmmmm....
are differences in personalities irreconcilable?
ive been through this before...
but it seems that it still persists la..not btw me and anyone （yet)
but btw some ppl i know...
interesting...
and sometimes the differences are superficial, sometimes fundamental
sometimes, it appears to be fundamental, but is actually superficial?
but you see, its hardest and most unwilling for us to change ourselves....

sometimes i think im way too blur in certain areas...
other times i think im too sensitive in others... D:

haha if this goes on i seriously need to air it all out lor :/
but my warped logic is (once again) stopping me from doing it...

sigh this is becoming a really ranty post :/

garh.
sitting and watching is unnerving
life is giving me an interesting twist these few days
have NO IDEA how will things turn out
this is interesting and unnerving
oh wells

found out a few things this week i suppose...
one put things into perspective
and make me respect her even more...
really, what right do we/i have to moan and whine about things, when i am alr so fortunate compared to others??
sigh...i guess the human nature will always tend to take what we have for granted, and look at what we dont have...
is there no way to change it?
other discoveries just made me worried (once again, too easily affected)

OGL interviews on wed!!! ahhhhhh!!!!

maybe we cant go back to where we use to be?
after all...times have changed...
"progress"...

saw this tumblr post
guys dont really mean it when they insult each other
girls dont really mean it when they compliment each other
haha sounds quite true but how i hope not. (obv for the 2nd line)

what holds you/me back?

30/7/11

2011-07-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

what if you are not good enough to do what you want to do?

hmmm...
so many things that we dont know about other ppl...
clouds our own judgements so easily....

sigh...
knowledge of others, perhaps, is inaccessible to us...
gasp..
lol and its implications is that the belief-desire thesis for my IS is false! :O

28.7.11

2011-07-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

haha watched HP7!!! woohoo
sigh...its over man...no more hp to look forward to..?
but on the whole its a decent movie for a finale
though im pissed at the fact that they didnt mention dumbledores back story altogether!!!
wth man!
though snapes memories were kinda short
i think it was no doubt touching haha xD

最难改变的是自己。。。

things are taking an interesting turn now... hmmm
i wonder where will it lead me

friends...cca...

wanted to post much longer but haiz, gotta sleep
IHC! i wanna play D:

oh yes!
the recent norway thing...
sigh...
whats wrong with ppl man...
using the excuse of religion to do such things...
fundamental christians...
what happened to the most fundamental commandment of all "thou shalt not take (innocent) lifes"?
all those innocent lifes...

and norway has no death penalty, and the max they gonna charge him is 30 years.
seriously?? WTF?
like....he killed so many ppl, and the system lets him off after 30 years??
so much for justice??
this is exactly why i support to use of death penalty...
reserved for crimes so serious..

and i think my KI mini IS is like cursed or something...
i failed to send it to myself successfully both times after spending 1 period on it in school...
D:

24.7.11

2011-07-24T04:05:00.001-07:00

lol
just dawned upon me that i have not disappointed ms ang in terms of hist skills xD

and how how how fortunate am i to have SUCH awesome friends by my side :)

19.7.11

2011-07-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

shit somehow forgot to publish the sunday post
argh post spam indicates my...bleh ya know what i mean ><

what keeps me going??
i still believe that its a sad thing to lose hope in life, esp the beautiful things...

hmmm...
i need to reconsider that questions...
1) CCA
2) God
3) Friends

i hope that no matter what happens, they will still be there xD
each has its own advantages and disadvantages hmmm lol

1) sometimes gets super depressing...
2) is always there, but i might not feel it D:
3)....is fickle...

haha xD what a weird ramble lol

so when all 3 seems gone...gg LOL

maybe i am really tooooo idealistic..
shall i settle for whats more practical? and stop being sad over stuff thats unlikely?

sigh the melancholy...
zzz
me thinks everyone is a little bit mad inside...

shall trust EVERYTHING to God's perfect timing... :)
cliche, but nevertheless true and reassuring...

needs to sort out my priorities argh
and the messed up part is i honestly dont know what i want more/need more/better for me...

really respect those ppl that dare to chase their dreams...
and i do have friends who are like that :)
oh wells i will make do with what i have and boy will it be good! ^^

hmmm...if i want something, yet know i will not be 100% happy in it, shall i still go on? i know it sounds oxymoronic...

haha im not up to standards xD

17.7.11

2011-07-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

we know ourselves best...
even though we dont truly know ourselves (at least for me xD)
we still know much more than others...

so yeah...

needs the melancholy mood that overwhelmed me during lunch/evening to leave before sch starts..
which it kinda did lol :/

haha oh wells this weekend was really a bad weekend...
prob the worst since this year started.
but right now i do feel kinda optimistic for the next week and put this behind me?
at least one/two of the issues that were bothering me is no more liao? lol xD

like i said...
its amazing how little things can affect me so much :/
which is good when i get happy, but bad when i get sad xD
which means my mood moves easily (oh dear thats bad)

haha scholarship feste today was decent...
still, unclear of what to do :/
and unprepared, no matter what i want to do...

16.7.11

2011-07-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

oh wells...

anyways, ive discovered that my highness/enthuness depends very much on those of the ppl around me.
like i cant just be high myself and all xD
which, i think, indicates how im (easily?) influenced by others moods :/

oh wells...

perhaps its the case?
everything eventually will be battered by
words unspoken,
promises unfulfilled,
hearts broken...
just a matter of time...
the inevitable?

but i think/belief its a passing phrase la
still, the pessimism is.... :/

sigh...what a bad weekend thus far... ><
just no mood to do work...no mood at all....

really hopes that both my mood and the situation will clear up soon
and its not helping when i have like work weighing on my conscience

scholarship feste tmr...
whats the point lor...still unclear on what im gonna do in uni, let alone where i wanna go...
haha too indecisive le...

if all things are subjective, then whats the point? :/

sometimes, i really think that i let things affect me too much/blame myself too much..

haha yeah we all need to look at what we can/have to have a fair representation of ourselves, instead of looking at the void of what we lack..

15.7.11

2011-07-15T06:39:00.000-07:00

SIGH....
such a weighted sigh and day... :/
and no, its not cause of my bio results, which arent great btw...

我是自己最大的梦魇...

argh for some unexplanable reason fell sick
weird vision, followed by headache
panadol
then stomach flu :/

sigh dunno why also...

argh im really really confused...
a moment of folly...
and perhaps it tells a tale...?
threats...
oh wells i do deserve it...

sigh im so imperfect, dumb, rash
and perhaps, irresponsible?
argh what if it continues like that?
the effects are unthinkable... ><

argh argh....
T_T

sighz oh wells...
tis a really not good day

sometimes i really wish that i can just forget what i dont want to remember
sleep is only a temporary escape
we always have to wake up to face reality
and those things will always haunt me
monsters created by my own foolish actions and choices
lets hope the list stays small haha....
but perhaps! in sleep i can find no haven!

even the smallest things can be...deadly...

immense sense of inadequacy, foolishness, stupidity, and tactlessness...

at least portal was fun haha...
sigh so un-myself today i suppose :/
garh...the weirdness ><
really tired...dont want to think le...
pls pls pls...

anyways i think im too anyhow/随意 liao...
like sigh i realise how little i know abt uni application
and how little ideas i have on what i shld do :/
not like some of my classmates/friends, who seems to have their next 15 years planned out nicely in front :/
neither do i have their competency/qualifications :/

13.7.11

2011-07-13T06:50:00.000-07:00

got math back today haha
ok la got what i wanted but still cant shake off the feeling that
1) i could've done better/not my best performance
2) my math deproved D: sigh not 4.0 now zzz xD

anyway, happiness for me now is really not that dependent on studies liao xD
(however, the lack thereof is partly dependent on results! :O )

so...yeah... xD
humans are taking a long time to get back to me zzz

oooh today jazz was good haha
the music was soooo soothing!
like just feel like lying back in the comfy chair and able to forget all abt those whatever bullcrap that i have to do and hand up ^^
ahhhh....

garh feels a bit inadequate....
not that my results cca whatnot is not good...
just that a lot of stuff is like 2nd grade lor :/
like all those things im doing good, doing well,
but never outstanding enough haha... xD

cannot issit xD

2011-07-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

sorry la i like putting dates as my title. old habits die hard xD
eh jem its in chinese, and its classified under chic lit... ^^

ahhhh
are the two most common causes of misunderstanding
assuming others are just like yourself
and
assuming others are different from yourself?

like the first case is that when one takes a (often negative) prospect of oneself, and magnifies it and attributes it to everyone else...
like..以小人之心度君子之腹
and assume others are feel think the same way as you do,
thus when others are doing something, we think that we can judge them base on the premise of similarity.
-am i making sense? lol i think im being vague and avoiding the point-

-garh suppose to be a tidbit post but a bit the long le...-

the second case is more um straightforward haha
when we put differences between others and us
and assumes that they are different from us, when in fact, we are all just humans, students, teenagers...

garh shall not be un-specific for the first case
lets say im seeing a lot of ppl doing cip, then i think "pfft, all for RD/resume/portfolio only"
(rest assured i DO NOT think like this xD)
i think when someone says that, there is this bitterness?
like that person is (obviously) not doing cip (for example)
and assumes the worst of everyone else?
the reason is obviously not true la...
interesting!!

我打算坐/静观其变
不再干预

淡然...

zzz still havent get back hist
math tmr, ki hopefully on thrus, bio on fri

9.7.11

2011-07-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

LOL the previous post is actually the 300th post! :D!!
不知不觉中这个博客已经“活”了快3年了
刚开始时只是无聊追风想写写而已。。。哈哈现在写博客有点习惯了xD
大概是我坚持最久的一件事之一了吧
不到3年。。。300个帖子。。。
大概每3天写一个，恩，感觉不错 ^^

刚读完一本小说，结尾挺凄凉的。。
觉得人生中最可悲可怜的是失去活着的激情。。。
每天只是平平淡淡的，偶尔会感伤。。
但心里已经没有特别的起伏了。。。
那样活着，真是挺。。。悲惨的。。。

虽然故事情节有点。。。牵强。。。但还是过得去的哈哈

whee chem result was good! A! whee xD
haha though did lose marks cos of careless (as usual) im happy with my results haha
really really thank God for it! ^^
and todays service was good lol

hmmmm i discovered that i really am very analytical...like my brain just like to analyze things around me at weird timings haha.
be it surroundings or others actions xD
interesting...

now for the rest of results haha xD next week gonna spam get back :O
but i have alr given them up to God, so i will accept them :)
-still, one can hope xD -
hist and ki shall be....hahahha xD lets pray it wont be too bad xD

6.7.11

2011-07-06T05:20:00.001-07:00

hmmmm . looks cooler than / lol xD
yay new format for post titles! haha
ahhh
the sadistic pleasure and suspense for test results...
oooh tmr chem! :O

3/7/11

2011-07-03T07:16:00.000-07:00

woah today was.....
well.....sigh...revealing in many sense....

sigh oh wells at least got the blogging thing down.
though kinda weird why um i was the only one left though everyone registered at the same time.....

argh coral RCY...
figuring stuff out as i wander around blindfolded, in the dark
i hate this sense of helplessness, lost, and unsureness
just not the way i do things...
not to mention the um interesting attitudes
and when they find out my blog, theres one more thing that i cant blog abt haiz.
oh wells at least theres still the other one haha

sigh...
when i thought i got over it...
life just loves to throw it in my face again
taunting me, showing me the scars
letting me realise how it used to be like. and how it is now

/i have a dream in background/

sigh had a poetic? burst when showering but forgot now...
sigh seriously....why at this time that i have to come to realise that again...
promises left unremembered, unfulfilled...
and i doubt that you even visit here anymore....
sigh...
once again...how did it turn this way
even though i know there is no use thinking about it
just let me indulge in my angst for a while xD
but seriously, its the first time that such things happened to me without the aid of spatial segregation.
haiz.... DDDDD::::::
really....this feeling sucks....

sigh ok my post seems real emo (perhaps its attention grabbing? :O *argh too much notes from undergroud* )
but imma just confused+lost+slightly sad = argh bam boomz

have you ever feel so confused, yet have no idea why, and at the same time, so confused that you dont even want to think about why you are feeling this way and just lay in your bed and sleep the thoughts away?
i think thats how i was feeling even before the thing that prompted the above rant happened

oh wells.....
meaningful things are never easy....
and thankfully theres batchmates/seniors that i can find help from ^^

sigh....double positive becomes negative? sigh
bad feelings. bad thoughts. but, please, at least tell me why?.....

and oh so much that i want to do!
but so little time! D:
and opportunities? D:

1/7/11

2011-06-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

wheeeee CTs are finally over! :D :D :D
haha really thank God that i pulled through my CTs without any major mishap in the doing of the paper lol
half way through Chem i was like crap im gonna die cfm no time finish...
but i actually did! wheeeeee haha brute force through section C in 30? mins (hope no big errors ><)
yay super happy that i completed chem lol xD

and math too haha xD stumbled quite a lot during math >.<
sigh should wasted around 20~30 minutes on careless mistakes...
though once again thankfully i still manage to finish the paper la in time la haha xD
so yeah be thankful!

haha bio is just....after doing you feel ok but have no idea what will your results be like when it comes back haha xD

hmmm hist errrrr 45 mins super hard to write one good essay >< i think that wasnt my best performance sigh cos no time organise the essay well

and ki hahahaha just wait and see what happens ba xD
so yeah! actl i cant wait to get it back and see how bad/well ive done lol xD
and see if my mugging? actl paid off or not ^^

and yay post CTs dinnering with 6/7 classmates was fun! went to RGS cos the girls wanted to collect o level cert but kena blocked outside by security guard lolol
then soup spoon! it actually tasted decent and filling cos of the big bread lol
then walk around to find place to movie/slack
ended up going to fruit paradise haha xD
shi jie had his wish granted lol
haha talk crap super fun lol ended up having a discussion about how all the modern disney movies, those pulp fiction are like no substance but only popular appeal xD

wheeeee
but sigh the sucky thing is that even after this CTs, still got so much stuff to do
IS,cca yada yada yada.
so cant relax :/
then 13 weeks later argh xD

oh wells lifes like that haha

27/6/11

2011-06-27T08:28:00.001-07:00

i wonder who updates during CT period lol :P

26/6/11

2011-06-25T09:22:00.000-07:00

以铜为镜，可正衣冠，以史为镜，可知兴替，以人为镜，可明得失。

以史为镜，可知兴替
的却，我们需要对照以往的样子才能发现现在到底变了多少。。。
改变总是中性的？
它的好与坏只是人们生硬往上加的价值吗？

有时我怀疑自己的选择，
认为自己在没搞清楚状况的情况下贸然做了选择
但我不后悔，毕竟，无论它再难，我所做的任意一点努力都将现状变得更美好
我想，这要我怀着这种心态，就不会硬要求完美的完成我的“职业”

很迷惑，有点失望，有点感伤
但，这是我的选择，这些“后果”我并没有预料到，
但若它们是我的选择必然，或产生的成果，我会欣然接受。。。

也许，是时候道别了？或至少疏远。。。

美好的事物往往与厌恶的事物只有一线之隔
（将英文翻译成华文失败D:）

最近几天还不错吧，学习还是有一些可观的成果的
对考试稍稍有了一点信心
只要在考试前一天集中多记一些必须死记硬背的应该就没什么问题了 xD

再读一本十分令人沮丧的书，必须用英文讲解 xD

so im reading Notes from Underground now
basically its a long note written to no one in particular and everyone by this person
he is full of loathe, disgust, distrust, envy and angst to everyone in the world, including himself
its....really beyond words...
it portrays such a despicable character that is in full view of his own despiability,
and yet takes a morbid pleasure in it and yet detests himself...

so much negative energy in the book...
i think it portrays humanity at its worst...
and we all have a little part of him inside all of us,
the envy, the loathe...both to others and ourselves..
and from time to time, he takes hold, whisper things into our ears...
but,
as i believe and still do, human nature is good,
thus, that person is largely under control haha．．．

so yeah, the ugly side of man
but seriously, reading it is very...exhausting..to say the least...
esp for me? i really do get affected by the characters burden to an extent, and just feel frustrated at all the negative energy as it flows to me from the book lol
it seriously takes a deranged mind to write it out...

which is why i wont touch it until CTs are over haha xD

-note to self, talk abt free will in next post, too late liao-

24/6/11

2011-06-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

feels like blogging but doesnt know what to say :/
mugging/studying has been going on fine
a bit lag but should be ok, like can cover all content in time
though prob no time for KI essay/hist essay to train up writing speed
frankly for KI still feeling a bit iffy, considering my bad language... ><
sighz...

oh wells
back to hist xD

PN tmr!
then sending sora off...
hmmmmm.....
ahhh....

oh wells...
tis a sad thing
but yet it happens so often
my 300th post coming up. wow.
scarly its abt CTs xD

whoever that exalts himself will be humbled, whoever that humbles himself will be exalted

Listen without interrupting
speak without accusing
give without sparing
pray without ceasing
answer without arguing
share without pretending
enjoy without complaining
trust without wavering
forgive without punishing
promise without forgetting

Focusing on the character of God
helps us to take our eyes off our circumstances.

:)

famine camp

2011-06-19T07:53:00.000-07:00

ahhh was due ytd but i realised that i have a meeting at 7am instead of 1130 so had to rush to pack bag and all...><

ok anyways famine camp! woohoo!
haha ok la it was not as good as i expected (but perhaps i have high expectations)
for one the dialogue in the dark was only given to 5 ppl per family, which isnt that fair, since we all paid the same price...
then it was only 15 mins, not the full thing..so :/

oh wells on the good side, i did felt what is it like to have an empty stomach...
haiz, considering that we've only had that feeling for 30 hours, and MANY ppl in the world feels that way for 3 weeks, 3 months, and perhaps even their whole life...
sighz...

the activities were decent i suppose, the stimulation of life in 3rd world game was not bad, quite good organisation for such a large scale complicated game
the others um, got quite some room for improvement haha xD

the talks were informative, but sadly not inspiring :/
but then again, thats super hard to do lol

overall a great experience! sadly my family was not that enthu and quite quiet, so did not have as much fun as some other friends did :/
haha prob wont go back as facil unless im convinced otherwise lol

ok cyrene reef today! (yes that was the meeting xD)
super big plot of reef sia! so many different seagrass too! :O
saw sand dollars, huge ass sea slugs laying eggs, sea urchins, knobby sea stars
the other kind of sea stars, a ton of hermit crabs ^^
diff environment from the rocky shores in sentosa haha xD
fun experience even though spent super long cleaning up the set up and scrapping barnacles ^^

wheeee

oh shit mugging
-back to work-

add on: haha once again, admires immensely the ability to create beautiful things, works of art of any form.
oh wells but our talents take different forms
so be glad with our God given talent ^^